I realize that the only way for this to work is, basically for me to bare my soul out for all of you, which is easy, and hard, for me. I consider myself, among other things, an “extroverted private open book.”
I don’t hide anything, I’m not ashamed of any of my past decisions or indiscretions, and am comfortable with my past history, all of it (don’t mistake comfort with pride, I sure am not proud of all of it), and I’m fine with sharing when someone asks (and sometimes, when they don’t). At the same time, I am a hard-core privacy supporter, mostly due to being involved in Information Technology since I was a kid in the 80’s, when ‘War Games’ was basically my version of …., and everything was new, all the basics, were new to everyone and I soaked it up like a sponge. Early on, I saw all that meta-data streaming by, realizing that it is just about physically and fundamentally impossible to be truly anonymous on the internet. Pair it with some modern psychological principles, anonymity basically becomes a fleeting idea. To fill that gap you need strong checks and balances, stuff we’re still figuring out as humanity marches forward. Do you know what a burden it is to see and know information that you’re privileged/trusted to come across, and pretend you don’t know about it, for the last 30 years, starting when you were 8? Or to be able to piece together disparate pieces of information, identify the pattern, predict the outcome, but know your voice or ‘opinion’ is not heard? And then, try not to be jaded…but then again, inspiration grows wherever the seeds of imagination are planted. That could be why I’ve been a trusted confidant by many of my friends and coworkers.
I really, really try to be a positive person and not to judge. I try to stay away from the TV shows that are fairly mindless, I like a good story that moves forward and has a conclusion, a destination, or an ingenious comedic style. That helps with trying to stay positive. I fall down sometimes and have to get back up, but I’m a happy person that has a few passionate views about the world around us. Lifestyle wise, I’ve been near the bottom at times, couch surfing with friends, spending a night or two in my car. I have never ended up on the street or in a shelter, however I’ve had plenty encounters with individuals from either. I’ve been on the up swing too, but nothing crazy, basically just enough to fix the mess from the financial downs previously and some left over to live comfortably.
A quick story about when I was living in Houston about someone living on the street. I had closed down one of our clique’s favorite bar’s, Scorecard’s (now closed for good) and needed to get home. This was at a time where I had done some contract work and had some cash and time, but had recently lost my car due to someone t-boning me at one of the classic Texas U-turn intersections, totaling the vehicle. Well, I needed to get home from the bar and I figured I will just walk. It was only a 15-20 minute drive home, how long could it possibly take me to walk it home? I was prepping for a 3-4 hour walk, in the middle of the night, north on one of the service roads following the outer loop. I walk through the drive through at Jack-in-the-Box (yes I know, bad Jimmy) and get me some dollar chicken patty’s and 2 tacos for the calorie-burning adventure I’m about to take. I scarf down the tacos and first chicken sandwich and get on my way. Not 10 minutes into the trip, a homeless gentleman was sitting on a railing or something similar and asked if he could have some of a sandwich after we chatted for awhile (I was in no rush). I offered him what I had left, which I think was 2 sandwiches and my drink. Well, that gesture caused the man to stand up and offer to be my ‘body guard’ for the trip back to my apartment (it was true that I had to pass some less than desirable areas). He wouldn’t take no for an answer. At this point, I’m running through contingency plans because I’m not that naïve and realize that anything could happen, but at the same time I don’t feel threatened at all, so I just go with the flow. At one point he tried to give me a big bear hug, but failed to lift me off the ground. He wanted to sprint and race me down the road, so we did that (I won). I learned that he was a vet, which I slightly question (some of his stories and details weren’t quite accurate) but didn’t outwardly push. I learned that his biggest challenge being homeless actually wasn’t food or shelter, but clean water. Houston is a hot city, and at the time many friendly ‘faucets’ were starting to dry up, making it incredibly difficult to travel across the city, forcing dense pockets of homeless. A few hours later we end up at the corner gas station, maybe around 4 or 5 in the morning, I got him something he wanted and we parted ways.
I’ve found myself in some fairly precarious situations at times, sometimes by my own doing, sometimes it was the group I was with, and a good portion of the time it is just how life seems to end up for me. One thing I learned along the way was this, and it is still a lesson that I am peeling apart to understand how to perfect it. People, all people in my experience, want the chance to gain your respect. And of course they would prefer that you would respect them, that is a close second. But more often than not, the biggest flashpoint is if a chance is never given. Think about those who you may dislike or what makes a good villain in a movie or the ones who you just can’t seem to get along with…I bet, sometimes, it’s because they don’t give you, someone you know, or a group you identify with, a chance towards that respect.
This causes all sorts of issues everywhere. This one blames that one, red v. blue, 1% v. 99%, there are more than enough conflicts it seems, because people forgot how to just stop, realize there are always bigger pictures, there are always data missing from either/both sides of an argument and sometimes your wrong. I hate being wrong :-). But I hate it more if I don’t change my views with more information I have on the subject. And, if it doesn’t involve us directly, we keep thinking the value of our judgment of the situation is just as high as someone that was involved directly…but it really isn’t.
Being in technology I am surrounded with a lot of intelligent and/or educated individuals, driven, passionate, quirky, sometimes manic. Working in tech support, my experiences were rounded-out with everything else :-). I find myself able to get along with a variety of personality types, even the ones I don’t particularly like. This has helped get an ever increasing awareness of the world around me.
I like helping people. It feels good. When their soul looks into yours and is relieved that they are not alone, someone is there, a chance. Life is hard, and I am honored that I have the ability to do something about it, even if it is in small chunks. It is time to do big chunks now.
With that statement, it is time for me to get ready for bed time. Have a good night world, chin up, we’re gonna win, don’t just hope it, believe it. Be Good, Do Good, Fight for Good, it’s a package deal.
Jimmy